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Logan
#1

on Sun Mar 03, 2013 3:56 pm

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Olimar
Olimar
This is inspired by CL. He asked me to do it on Facebook. Here goes nothing.

Chapter 1:
The story starts with Link "sleeping." And by sleeping, I mean beating off. "Stop that, you fucking gayfag," his uncle said. "Now I want you to stay here while I go to the Royal Whorehouse." As his uncle leaves, Link cums and gets out of bed. He walks over to the treasure chest in his room and a message pops up, saying "You got a porno magazine. Now you can get a boner at any time." He starts wacking it again, his 9th fap session of the day. After he ejaculates and makes the pages sticky, he decides to go to the Royal Whorehouse to get the real thing. He leaves the house, but unfortunately, it's raining and he has no idea where to go. "Fuck it, I'll go south," said Link. Yes, Link can talk in this story. Get over it, shithead. To his surprise, there's a knight blocking the way. "Thorry, but kidth cannot path through here." "I just want to go to the Royal Whorehouse, dick. Nice lisp, by the way." Suddenly, a message pops up that says "Link, this is Zelda. Go north, dumbass." "Why the fuck do words keep appearing out of nowhere?" thought Link, a little disturbed. Anyways, he goes north and comes to the Royal Whorehouse. Again, there's a knight there, blocking the way. "Excuse me sir, I would like entry into the Royal Whorehouse. I'm sick of jerking off and getting molested by my uncle. I want some pussy," said Link. "Too fucking bad, you little shit. We don't let ten year olds into the Royal Whorehouse. Now go home before I stab you in the dick" replied the knight. "Link, go to the right of the screen" popped up another message. "Okay, now I'm fucking terrified. Not only do words keep popping up out of thin air, but this time, they broke the fourth wall, said Link. "What the fuck are you talking about, you fucking nigger?" said the knight. "Shut the fuck up, you racist piece of shit," Link replied. He walks to the right of the screen and up, then decides to pick up a bush for no apparent reason. To his surprise, there's a hole. He jumps in and finds his uncle laying there, almost dead. "Link, I just got brutally raped by Agahnim and I'm bleeding out of my asshole. I'm losing too much blood. Here, take these and defend yourself," said his uncle. He gives Link a shield with a picture of a naked chick on it and a big dildo as long as a sword. Then he dies. Link goes to the Whorehouse and fights a bunch of evil rapist knights. Link eventually finds Zelda, the Princess of Prostitution. "Link," says Zelda, "Agahnim is kidnapping all the whores and forcing them to be his sex slaves. I'm next. Please help me escape." So they go into the basement, where all the fucking takes place. They eventually escape and find their way into a church. When he looks at the priest, bad memories rush to him, as this priest molested him many times in the past. "Fuck you, you fucking faggot child molester!" yelled Link. "Calm down, sexy. You need to defeat Agahnim and save the prostitutes. Zelda will stay here with me." replied the priest. "Fuck no! I don't trust you. How do I know you won't rape her?" said Link. "Don't worry, I only like little boys," replied the priest, "it's the Catholic code. By the way, you have the tightest butthole of any boy I ever fucked." said the priest. "Fuck off!" Link told the priest and set off on his adventure.

End Of Chapter.

Okay, I know it's not as good as CL's work. I hope you still find it funny.



Last edited by Logan on Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:37 am; edited 1 time in total

http://www.happykatana.wordpress.com
CartoonLink
#2

on Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:53 am

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Zekrom & Reshiram
Zekrom & Reshiram
I laughed my fucking ass off. "Where he has bad memories", omfg! Lmao.

Logan
#3

on Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:15 am

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Olimar
Olimar
Thanks, CL!

http://www.happykatana.wordpress.com
Person Nameguy
#4

on Mon Apr 21, 2014 2:21 pm

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Yoshi Egg
Yoshi Egg
This may may be funnier than The Legend of Zelda the Messed up story... Everyone should read it!

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#5


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