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Logan
#26

on Mon Jan 21, 2013 3:26 pm

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Olimar
Olimar
According to Google Translate, the prostitute says "I'm going to fuck your brain,"
"I'm so" (it didn't say anything after the so, but I'm guessing horny) and "I'm gonna cum, too." LOL!

http://www.happykatana.wordpress.com
CartoonLink
#27

on Tue Jan 22, 2013 12:15 pm

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Zekrom & Reshiram
Zekrom & Reshiram
Logan wrote:According to Google Translate, the prostitute says "I'm going to fuck your brain,"
"I'm so" (it didn't say anything after the so, but I'm guessing horny) and "I'm gonna cum, too." LOL!

Lmao, the first one is along the lines of that, I don't recall exactly what I put, but thanks for taking the time to put it out. Thought it would be funny to make her speak with Japanese subtitles? Lmao!

CartoonLink
#28

on Thu Mar 07, 2013 7:06 pm

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Zekrom & Reshiram
Zekrom & Reshiram
All right, enough fucking around, I am going to do this story much more consistently.

Chapter 7.

Mario, Kirby, Link, and Marth ran out of the hotel and called for a taxi.

Mario: OI! TAXI!!!

The taxi pulled over.

Taxi driver: Heyo?
Mario: Get us to um, whatever the fuck this address is? LG915D...
Taxi driver: Why I do dat?
Marth: Because it's your fucking job, you fucking imbecile!
Taxi driver: Naw, we heye in Tokyo hav wights to wefuse access to taxi, so go fack ya self!
Kirby: Oh, I got your mom to do that for me. Tell her to shave that hairy fucking bush that all Japanese people have you ingorant prick!
Taxi driver: Oh yo mavafucka! I chawenge you tew a dewl!
Kirby: We accept. We don't give a flying fuck. What is the deal for the winner?
Taxi driver: I get yo sign fwee copy of Zero Wing, you buy, you win you get my cawr.
Mario: Easy enough.
Taxi driver: Okay, you pink fawk, yo come wif me and we will duel, I will call yo friends if you lose, you fagges wait heye!
Mario: Um, whatever?
Kirby: Whatever, fuck!

Kirby jumped in the car, and they drove down the street.

Mario: What the fuck do we do to kill time?
Link: We could play a game.
Marth: We're not jacking you off.
Link: You know, I would've loved if you did, but I honestly didn't mean that- I swear!

Whenever Link lies, his dick gets longer. He was lying out of his fucking teeth since he sprouted a cucumber in his pants.

Mario: Whatever, liar.
Marth: Okay then? Let's play who am I?
Mario: You go first then.
Marth: We have sex with sheep, who am I?
Mario: OH, people from Saskatchewan!
Marth: YEP! Your turn.
Mario: If Mario Paint has 41,664 dots available (judging from page 112 of the Mario Paint Player's Guide), and 15 different colours to choose from, then did you know that there are a total of 1,978,857,121,979,410,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, different possible images to create on a single page? That's a lot, eh? Just thought I'd tell you.
Marth: Uh, thanks Ian, that's certainly some useful information! But dude no, that's not the point of the game...
Link: LOL AT NINTENDO POWER REFERENCE!
Mario: Well fine! Then-

Kirby came driving up in the car.

Mario: What the fuck? You won??
Kirby: Yep! The duel was fucking Super Smash Bros Melee... he fucking sucked at it! And I made it more interesting, if I won, I got to fuck his wife, and if he won, he got to "fuck my wife", ahahaha!
Link: But you don't have a wife?
Kirby: I just said you were my wife!
Link: Oh, you mother fucker!
Mario: And so you fucked her?
Kirby: Ugh, god no, that bush was fucking huge. But actually yeah, I did fuck her and it was hot. This is how it went...

FLASHBACK BEGINS.

Kirby: Ha, I won bitch! I get your car, and your woman!
Taxi driver's wife: Uh, Harold you fucking ignorant bastard, now he gets to fuck me!

Kirby whipped out his ten inch dick.
Harold's wife: Holy shit, you're three times bigger than Harold!
Harold: Shaddup Serena!
Selena: Go fuck yourself Harold!

Kirby was rubbing his long, hard, throbbing penis along her clitoral region. She had gasped for her. Legends say the Japanese clitoris and vagina in general are thousands times more sensitive than everyone else's around the world.

Selena: Oh my god! Stop teasing me! Insert it!!!

Kirby inserted his dick. Before you knew it, he was filling up to the brim, and then he released it upon the world.

Kirby: HAWWWW! HAUGUHH AWWW! HOLY SHIT BABY, YOU WERE TIGHT!
Selena: THAT WAS AMAZING!!!!!!!!

Since she has a very sensitive clitoris, it seemed like an hour to here but in reality it was eight seconds, which is disappointing for Kirby. Kirby grabbed Harold's car keys and drove away.

FLASHBACK ENDS.

Marth: BAHAHAAHA! YOU LASTED EIGHT FUCKING SECONDS?
Kirby: Would've been longer, but I didn't want to make you fuckers wait!
Mario: Dude, we could've waited, we want our bro to get some puss puss!
Kirby: Funny thing is, I ejaculated in her, hehe.
Link: But how did you manage to last only eight seconds?
Kirby: Well, when I was a little boy... I sort of had this problem, and it's not even that big of a deal. I would sort of... lie around all day, and draw pictures of dicks.
Mario: What?!
Kirby: I'd draw pictures of dicks. My teacher found the dick drawings in my locker, and reported me to the principal. It turns out the fucking principal was some sort of religious fanatic, and he thinks I'm possessed by some sort of dick devil. Then my parents have me see some therapist, and he asked me all these dick questions! They literally made me stop eating food shaped like dicks, no hot dogs, no popsicles, you know how many foods are shaped like dicks? THE BEST KINDS!
Mario: That doesn't answer our question...
Kirby: Then the moment of wonder. The therapist had inserted me with this EVE Hypo that made it so I can ejaculate on command, so if I wanted, I could jizz all over you faggots whenever I wanted.
Mario: That's fucked man.
Kirby: Yep, well hop in! We're off to get your brother!

END OF CHAPTER.

I estimate around 13-15 chapters for this story. Hope you guys enjoyed it...

Logan
#29

on Fri Mar 08, 2013 11:29 am

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Olimar
Olimar
LOL, nice Superbad reference!

http://www.happykatana.wordpress.com
CartoonLink
#30

on Sat Mar 16, 2013 9:12 pm

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Zekrom & Reshiram
Zekrom & Reshiram
Chapter 8.

Mario, Link, Kirby, and Marth arrived at the address where Luigi is supposed to be.

Mario: This is the place. Better be fucking worth it.
Kirby: What better be?
Mario: Honestly, I have no idea. I don't even know what I just said.

They all jumped out of the car, and were ambushed by men in black robes.

Mario: AW, FUCK!

They all got the bags on their heads taken off, as they were all tied to chairs.

???: Hehehe, so you like to play Castlevania?
Mario: What the fuck?! I didn't expect that!

The man with the hood removed it and showed his face.

Kirby: Jesus motherfucking ignorant god damn cocksucking Christ.
Luigi: You jackasses are a bunch of fucks. Why would you kick me out of the party?
Mario: Maybe because you were being a fucking cunt.
Luigi: Oh yeah, well jackass, I've made a deal with the Japanese mafia.
Marth: What the fuck is that?
Luigi: Japanese MY ANIMAL FRIENDS ARE INDESTRUCTIBLE ACT.
Mario: What the fuck is that?
Luigi: There are people that have been molesting animals and then cross breading to sell to Ninkendo as prototypes for Porkemon.
Mario: What the fuck are you talking about?
Luigi: SILENCE! I am a huge fan of Porkemon Brown and Gray, and I will not have you discriminate me. I had a shitty childhood.
Mario: That's funny, because I had an amazing childhood. And we had the same childhood. Why was yours so bad?
Luigi: YOU DON'T REMEMBER, DO YOU?
Mario: No, not really...
Luigi: It all started when I was seven years old...

FLASHBACK BEGINS.

Luigi: MOM, I DON'T WANNA GO TO FUCKING CHURCH!
Mama Mario: YOU WILL NOT DISRESPECT OUR LORD AND SAVIOR WITH THAT TYPE OF LANGUAGE MISTER! YOU WILL GO TO CHURCH BECAUSE YOU NEED TO BE FORGIVEN FOR YOUR SINS!
Luigi: Jesus Christ all fucking ignorant mighty, what sins?
Mama Mario: You use verbal obscenities in every sentence you speak! We will not have that in our house!
Luigi: If there is only one god, why do I have three Egyptian God cards? Yugioh 1, Christians 0! Hahaha!
Mama Mario: OH MY, YOU'RE POSSESSED! I AM TAKING YOU TO SEE THE PRIEST RIGHT NOW, AND YOU WILL HAVE AN EXORCISM PERFORMED ON YOU!
Luigi: Dad, this is fucking stupid.
Papa Mario: RAUGHAGHAHAHAAHAHA! Fuck sakes Pauline, you're fucking retarded! The boy obviously has a sense of humour!
Mama Mario: YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH MARIO, I WILL NOT HAVE YOU CONTRADICT ME IN FRONT OF OUR SON!
Papa Mario: I don't see the fuckin' point, just let him go jack off or something!
Mama Mario: OHHHH MY, I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK!

After plenty of arguing and bitching about "god", Luigi was dropped off at the St. Maryo's Church. Luigi walked in there.

Priest: Hello, my son!
Luigi: Who the fuck are you?
Priest: Thou shalt not use verbal obscenities in the realm of the gods!
Luigi: This is stupid. Sigh.
Priest: So what is thou patheth, my son?
Luigi: Apparently I need an exorcism? I don't fucking know.
Priest: Ah yes, an exorcism. Come with me.

They went into the back room.

Luigi: So how the fuck does this work?
Priest: Well you take your clothes off and bend over and face the wall.
Luigi: Will do.

Luigi dropped his pants and bent over.

Luigi: Now what?
Priest: RAUGHAHGAHAHAHAHA!
Luigi: What are you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

FLASHBACK ENDS.

Luigi: And that is why I have jail farts.
Mario: Kay, what? I asked why you had a shitty childhood.
Luigi: Oh, well, he always fucking text me and tried picking me up several times. Fuck, it was such a crazy childhood. Now he apparently resides in the Winnipeg Authority Counsel Treatment Centre.
Mario: And what is that?
Luigi: Dunno, name makes no sense. Anyways, point is, I want to come to your wedding!
Mario: Fuck, oh my god, fine!
Luigi: YES! But first, I will only untie you if you take me to the hotel suite.
Mario: Why would I do that?
Luigi: Isn't there anything you and everyone else forgot about?
Mario, Marth, Kirby, Link: NO!
Luigi: Come with me.

Luigi untied them, and they drove to the hotel suite.

Luigi: Wait right here.
Mario: Whatever.

Luigi ran inside. He came out an hour later with a lady.

Mario: Who the fuck is that?
Luigi: It's Jenna Jameson dumbass, you forgot her here.
Kirby: Oh yeah.................................
Link: Can I fuck her? I'm dead beat fucking horny.
Mario: Go for it. We all know how you get when you get too horny.
Link: So I raped my little sister, got her pregnant, and aborted her with the close hanger, so what!
Marth: Oh, and remember when you even grabbed a strippers ass, spread her ass cheeks, and sucked her asshole so hard she let a rip in your mouth?
Link: I NEED SEX! SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Link got out of the car, and went upstairs with Jenna Jameson.

Mario: How fucking long will this take?
Kirby: Who knows, it is Link after all...
Marth: You're right...

Link and Jenna arrived in the bedroom, and before you knew it, her clothes were off before his, which came off a record breaking time of two and a half seconds.

Link: SUCK MY DICK!
Jenna: Will do!

Jenna had grasped his circumcised penis with both hands, and yanked on it. His flaccid penis had soon become very erect. Before he knew it, her tongue piercing was piercing the urethra of his penis. He had never felt such freshness when it came to sex since having sex with Zelda is very repetitive and predictable. He then pulled out of her mouth, sat down on the bed, and for who the fuck knows why, a butt plug was on the bed and it was turned on, and he sat on it and it went up his ass, triggering his prostate gland. His penis had grown an incredible 3 1/2 inches, making him 13 1/2 inches. They first did the reverse cow girl for ten minutes, because Link gets hornier from the smell of sweaty ass crack from girls, plus he likes looking up their buttholes. They then switched to doggy style for thirty minutes, then to spooning for seventeen minutes, then to missionary for seventy-eight minutes, then to cow girl for nine minutes, then the moment began. He had pulled out, and her face was so close to his cock that he started ejaculating. What seemed was like a never ending ejaculation to Link had kept going and going and going, he let out one litre of semen on her face. There was so much that she started choking on it.

Link: Ah, that was nice! So satisfied! Well, I'll let you go! I'm going to run off, gotta catch up with my friends!

Link ran outside to the car.

Mario: What the fuck took you so long?
Link: Fuck no, this one went way to fast! But anyways, where to next?
Mario: I just got a text from Peach, she's at the Venturas Ninkendo Club, let's go!

Link hopped in the car.

END OF CHAPTER.

CartoonLink
#31

on Fri Mar 17, 2017 1:31 pm

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Zekrom & Reshiram
Zekrom & Reshiram
Chapter 9.

They had arrived at the Venturas Ninkendo Club.

Mario: Alright, where is she? I just need a god damn nap.
Luigi: I just need to shit.
Kirby: I just need to let everyone know there are millions of genders.
Marth: How in the flying fuck do you figure that?
Kirby: Meh, I hope some kid with autism will believe me and then proceed to make it known.
Marth: It's 2013, people aren't that stupid.
Mario: You'd be surprised, people still think the term butthurt is funny even though it so god old last year.
Kirby: Thanks Malleo.

Peach and Zelda had walked out of an elevator with a masked man, it could not have been Ron Jeremy as this guy wasn't a fat fuck.

Mario: PEACH! What did you guys do all day?
Peach: That's my god damn business, you ignorant cunt.
Link: ZELDA!
Zelda: The fuck you want?
Link: To fucking cum on your ass.
Luigi: In or on?
Zelda: Neither matters, let's fuck.

They had taken their clothes off in the middle of the very big tourist site, with many stunned faces. Link flung his cock and was having trouble spitting on it for lubrication. Luckily for Link, Zelda had a huge bulging boil that clearly was ready to fucking burst. He grabbed a hot pin needle which he keeps in his earrings and popped the boil. An extremely large amount of green pus had exploded onto his ding dong. After lathering it nice and deep into his white poors, causing bad skin pigmentation, he had shoved it into the ass of Zelda.

Mario: Please fucking tell me how in the flying that happened within a span of a few seconds.
Kirby: When you're a sex addict, there are many types of creative directions you'll take to get that high of an orgasm. Such as stoners with needing pipes. Like a fucking apple, come on.

Link and Zelda were going fucking hard so the group decided to not be associated with that shit. There were plenty of chinks rubbing one out to the site of it. Of course it was pixelated though, so it isn't illegal.

Luigi saw Kelsi Monroe.

Luigi: Hey, I know you!
Kelsi: You do?
Luigi: Yeah, I beat my meat to you every day.
Kelsi: Thanks! I'm doing a fan appreciation run for whoever will get tested, I will have sex with!
Luigi: Are you serious, jack ass?
Kelsi: What?
Luigi: Nice ass.
Kelsi: Thanks. Cum with me.

Luigi and Kelsi left holding hands.

Mario: Thank fuck he's gone.
Peach: Agreed, also Mario, I wrote a prenup.
Mario: Wait, what? You don't believe in us?
Peach: LOL, marriage is betting half your shit you'll be together forever.
Mario: Yeah, I'm the one with the house, with the karts, and all the money. You don't have jack shit.
Peach: Yeah, well Luigi can never be in your life afterwards.
Mario: Umm, oh god that hurts.
Marth: FUCK YEAH!
Kirby: Heh, like anyone gives a shit.

As Link and Zelda were finishing up, they had some exciting news to tell the gang. They didn't even put their clothes back on.

Mario: Why does no one find this wrong?
Peach: It's Kyoto.
Zelda: Well everyone, we just didn't want to make any poor news at the wedding but Link and I have decided to split. He's going to be seeking help for sex addiction.
Link: Wait, what about you?
Zelda: SHUT THE FUCK UP. I have nothing wrong with me. I'm a basic white bitch.
Marth: Why are you guys breaking up?? You're soul mates!
Zelda: I want some breath of the wild. There's a whole world out there that is ready to be explored, with over 120 shrines!
Kirby: Umm, what?
Zelda: Shut your pussy ass up, Kirby.
Kirby: Did you just assume my gender?
Mario: Kirby, where did this shit all of the sudden become a problem?
Kirby: How about-

The Japanese Samurai force had rushed in between them.

Samurai: Enough chitty chat, or whatever you white cock sucking mother fuckers speak. All your base are belong to us in Japan.
Link: UGH?
Samurai: You two are under arrest for public indecency.
Zelda: I'll fuck you to drop my charges.
Link: I as well!
Samurai: Please lady, I would possibly take his offer if he didn't have girlish long hair.
Mario: Well, what about all of those kids over there whacking off to that shit?
Samurai: They're our kind, it's our culture. Just like nudity in cartoons. You're tourists.
Kirby: Hey buddy, fuck you.
Samurai: What's up with the 8 inch tall pink ball?
Kirby: My frustration with Gwyn.
Marth: Gwyn?
Kirby: Yeah, the Lord of Cinder.
Samurai: Anyways, you fucks come with me.

Link drew his blade. He lunged towards the samurai, not to be out done with the samurai equipping his eightfold long blade. Link swung and his his armour and his knight's broadsword broke.

Link: FUCKING DURABILITY!
Zelda: For the love of Nayru man.

Link and Zelda were arrested and taken away.

Mario: This is turning out to be a disaster.
Peach: Yeah... well nothing we can do. Get some rest everyone, big day is tomorrow.

The night had drawn weary. Preparations for the wedding were completed. Mario had awoken with a note from Peach.

"Dear Mario,

Please wait until the wedding to see me.

Princess Toadstool,
Peach."

Mario: Why in the fuck was it that long, oh never mind.

Mario had received a call on his cell phone.

Mario: Hello?
Luigi: Hey jackass, can't make the wedding.
Mario: K.
Luigi: Aren't you gonna ask why?
Mario: Don't really care lol.
Luigi: I'm having sex with Kelsi Monroe and you're not, HA! Plus, I decided to stay with that japanese mafia bullshit.

Mario hung up. That was the end of Luigi. After a long day of preparations, the wedding was about to begin.

Mario: Well guys, this is it. I'm glad you two are here with me at least.
Marth: Wouldn't miss it for anything man.
Kirby: I as well.

They had awaited the arrival of Peach. Mario had never seen anything so stunningly gorgeous.

Priest: DEARLY BELOVED, WE GATHER HERE TODAY-
Kirby: Man, I can't wait to let them know my business plan. Wait, where'd you go?

Marth was over at another table sitting with some Asians like Shigeru Miyamoto and Satoru Iwata.

Kirby: Fuck em.

Priest: MARIO, DO YOU TAKE PEACH TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED BRIDE?
Mario: I do.
Priest: AND PEACH, DO YOU TAKE MARIO TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY WEDDED HUSBAND?
Peach: No.
Mario: WHAT?
Ron Jeremy: WHAT?
Peach: Mario, we've had many great adventures. But there are times when change is needed. I have found my true calling in life.
Mario: What's that?
Peach: I've had a great opportunity come up for me, and I knew you wouldn't be alright with it. So I'm calling the wedding off.
Mario: No...
Kirby: Are you kidding?
Marth: YES!
Mario: What the fuck Marth?
Marth: I just got a career with Nintendo's EAD! Fucking see yah later! Congrats Mario and Peach!

Marth left. So did the majority of the crowd in disappointment.

Kirby: Well, hell with it.

Kirby grabbed the nearest bull terrier and yanked it by it's triangular shaped eyes and pointy snout. He was molesting it. But technically it isn't beastiality due to Kirby being whatever the fuck he is. The dog tried dodging like Shrek in Shrek the Third when Prince Charming attacks him but it was an in-cohesive evade method. As Mario stood there in shock with Peach leaving the altar with tears, he witnessed a dog rape. Which was apparently legal in Japan too, so freedom.

Mario: This, isn't real.

Mario had walked away with his head down low. Kirby had swallowed the dog minus the shitter and was doing some weird Asian voodoo shit. His dick was pulsating a large buzzing noise, and as he came the dog had exploded.

Kirby: My fuck, that automatic orgasm training is fantastic. Some white girl was pissed her dog was dead and tried suing Kirby which the case was eventually thrown out.

Months later. Kirby had found himself as a speaker of the LGBT, as someone who gets triggered a lot. Marth was working on the newest The Legend of ____ game with many imaginative direction techniques which helped bolster the games quality over a shitty game like FIFA. Luigi was never heard from again.

Mario had gotten even fatter than Ron Jeremy and hairier, and had decided to watch porn for the first time since before the wedding. He never believed his eyes.



It was Peach, her real career as Lexi Belle had begun. Mario had felt some satisfaction in his heart that the girl he once loved was doing what she enjoyed, as was he, doing carpentry.

THE END.

Not the ending you guys expected, nor was it what I had originally planned but my point is, the series is finished. Just for you. Especially you Logan.

inb4 it wasn't funny
rate pls
4 fucking years to end

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#32


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